Tangled String. Chapter 1.

I awoke to the previous night. The usual, groaning comfort of returning from oblivion was a memory. I didn’t stretch, or exhale in the long, sleepy fashion I was accustomed to. I simply opened my eyes and with a short flooding of realization, began turning the events of the evening over again in my mind. It was completely involuntary; not some memory of a movie or a piece of literature I loved – or hated for that matter – I’d replay in my head on long bus rides. My brain, still in a stun, just started reiterating and I got to see all it again, pausing and rewinding to hear her say those words; to feel them cut into me a second time. A third. For all I knew I’d been playing it back all night. I never remember my dreams.

My alarm clock went off startling me, however briefly, out of my thoughts. I didn’t look at it. I knew it said 7:00, and I knew I was going to wake up a few short-lived minutes before its nauseating beeps invaded my bedroom. I slammed the off button without turning, deafening the room again and for the first time that day looked at the sky through the window to see a grey, wet blanket of clouds blocking out the sun. Figures.

I think I attempted to swear something. Some curse against the weather, and my job, and the uncomfortable lump of blankets under my back, and God for that matter. I wanted the cosmos to know how pissed off I was at them. Some tiny noise – far from a word – escaped my mouth as I rolled over finally, in defeat. It sufficed right now. All I could muster. I stared at the wall a little longer, pushing off the inevitable: the slow, cold walk to the shower in my underwear; the coffee and whatever bread product I felt I could suffer down this particular morning, and the 9 hours I would spend at work today answering phones.

It was a low point. One of those mornings where the foreknowledge of what’s expected of you, a glimpse at the scope and scale of how insignificant you are versus everything you’ve set as goals for yourself threatens to end you. When it seems too impossible to even get out of bed; too big for one person in a single life time. And all the while I was painfully, mind-numbingly aware of how alone I was in this bed for the first time in years. My back was cold, no one was pressing against it, and the only breathing I could hear was my own, barely up to the task.

I didn’t want to be awake. Apart from how mentally exhausted I was, my body ached completely. I felt sick, disgusted, intensely angry, and ready to cry. I was the stump of a severed limb, hours after the initial shock, nerves waking to feel the horror for the first time. I wanted to scream in agony and want. But more than anything right now I wanted escape. I glanced at the clock again - 7:06 – and then curled deeper into the blankets and closed my eyes. To hell with work, to hell with calling in sick, to hell to moving at all. I figured sleep would push the emotion away, get my brain off the topic. If it didn’t? Whatever, I never remember my dreams.

I started drifting. I thought about her name. Erykah. I loved that it was her real name, the real spelling. I loved her parents for that matter, not just for naming her, for everything about them. They effortlessly maintained a zest for everything in their lives that I’d seen from no one else. I thought about the ring of Mayan hieroglyphics that was tattooed around her wrist to look like a bracelet, and how it hurt that after years I still couldn’t really tell you what it meant. Something about harmony and unity. I pieced it together from memory and some webpage, never wanting to ask her about it. I don’t know why, it was stupid. I thought about the rest of her body. And I thought about a few other things I care not to mention to you louts.

I may have dosed off for a few seconds before my whole body twitched violently and a jet of adrenaline pierced my blood stream. Some horrible thumping noise shook me viciously from sleep and I sat upright staring wide-eyed around the room. It was close to my head whatever it was, my first, frantic thoughts being images of some small, wild animal having crept into my room silently at night somehow, only to lie dormant and scare the shit out of me in the early morning. I was close.

It didn’t take long for the smear of white and brown material on the outside of my window to become evident to me, however with my heart still beating from the rapid return to consciousness it was a while before I could encompass what it was. I think I had an idea right away of course; it just seemed implausible that such a deafening thud could have been produced by this impact. It was when the first runny strands of the material had crept down the exterior of the glass to settle in the window frame that I finally managed to utter aloud to the empty room,

“Is that honestly bird shit?”

I’ll admit it got me thinking. The angry, “Screw you, world!” kind of thoughts you get at that hour. I was thinking about the chances of it happening. How, judging by the sound that piece of shit made, the bird must have been hundreds of feet in the air, making my tiny vertical pane of glass a very impressive bull’s-eye. It even got me thinking about the bird itself, carrying on with its eating, and shitting lifestyle, oblivious to me huddled beneath him in my covers feeling sorry for myself. It was comforting, that life as a whole was moving on without me. Maybe my boss would overlook my absence at the call center today entirely.

I started to slump back into my pillow but before I could fully formulate the notion the horrendous beep of my alarm sounded, shaking my fragile, early morning frame once again. I’d pressed snooze by accident. 7:09. Some distant corner of my brain, far removed from my troubles was laughing at me sitting there, naked I now realized, staring stupidly at the covers, unable to handle the small dose of excitement the day was already throwing at me. I looked at the bird shit again and almost laughed myself. Almost

Instead I threw the covers off, wrapped a towel around my waste and started my slow haul to the shower. As I passed, the bearded one was staring at me from his cross by the door. I shook my head and threw him a salute. It was getting harder and harder for me to believe that anybody, even a supreme being was making this shit up.

So I was thinkin ...

It’s logical to conclude that the question of whether or not some form of god exists in our universe is binary. Yes or no. Either a god exists and created the cosmos and everything in it, or there was no guidance involved in the creation of it or the maintaining of it. The idea of no god can be summed up into one word.

Chaos.

Here’s what Wikipedia said about chaos:

Chaos derives from the Greek Χάος and typically refers to unpredictability. In the metaphysical sense, it is the opposite of law and order: unrestrictive, both creative and destructive.

The opposite of law and order. Meaning there was no particular plan or directive that got the universe to where it is now. If that’s truly the case, then how could we exist in a universe with so many laws? Gravity, acceleration, velocity, there are so many universal constants in physics and chemistry that exist supposedly because of chaos.
I dunno. It just doesn’t add up to me. I keep reading that all scientists are atheists, but for some reason the more I learn about science the more the universe seems like some sort of hierarchy to me; like someones in control.

I mean, doesn’t that make sense?

i sit i stare i sit i stare i sit i stare

Thought of the Day: "..."

It's a boring day. Deciding to write this post came to me only after the 10 or 15 silent minutes I just spent looking at my desktop toning out and wondering what to do next. The sad part is that I don't have a great deal to talk about, meaning this post will be short, and so too will be the distraction it provides to myself and eventually to you fine people. Here's one interesting thing I read:

Around a million, billion neutrinos from the Sun will pass through your body while you read this sentence. ...and now they are already past the Moon.

Wow. I'm not even sure what a neutrino is, but they sure are fast ... and small.

On an unrelated note, theres water inside the paint on our wall, but not inside the wall, so as to create a bubbling effect with the paint. It's a strange thing to see, the paint started to sag, or run down the wall as a single unit, like that gross skin cold gravy gets when you move it around with a spoon. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of it for you. It's really something.

The sad part is it means my landlord has to come over and look at it, and stand around asking me questions, and then probably come back and plaster it. I hope he hires some untalkative worker to do it, and doesn't do it himself. I don't think I could take a few days of him hanging around our apartment next to the bathroom.

It's snowy though, so he might not come over. He's old. Doesn't like bad weather.

On the bright side, I was just contacted by Shaggy who's going down town, so I'ma hop on that bandwagon in an hour or two. Until then I'ma go write. Cheers.

Management

Bioblogical Waste

Thought of the Day: I'm glad they stopped producing those "flick your bic" lighters with the gay patterns and shit on them. I hope Bic fired whoever came up with that idea.

Updates Updates...
Since October the only blogy thing I've done was post that silly quiz thing. That's a shame because blogs should be kept active. So here I go.

Well school's pretty fun this term. I've opted to fuck computer science royally in the ass and pick up Earth Sciences in its stead. I'm having a good time learning the material, even though my physics course is a bit over the head of someone as mathematically challenged as I. I'll mull through it. In fact I had my first test in it today which I suspect I did moderately well in. So that's hot.

I had a discussion with Angela earlier about Deja Vu. Because I've had a few fairly recently and for some time I've had a sneaking suspicion that I know where the "already happened" feeling for me is coming from. At the risk of sounding like a loon... They're coming from dreams. Or, at least I think they are. That's partly why I did some research; to see if I'm going crazy. What I found out is that apart from some meager attempts by the french a few centuries ago (who apparently coined the phrase deja vu by the way) there hasn't really been a large basis for studying the occurance in a lab because of it's vague or elusive nature. The phenomenon isn't exactly frequent and even if it were, there's no real way to measure the effects of it.

The specific kind of Deja Vu (there's 3 types) that I'm talking about is more specifically called Deja Vecu (already experienced or lived through). And nearly one third of people admit to having the experience at some point in their lives. The experience is like not only having seen something before, or hearing it, but living it. You sense that you've lived the same moment twice, feeling all emotions you felt, thinking all the same things you thought, everything.

Some people believe theres some manor of psychic thing goin on there. No one really knows. But there are two other ideas that could be logical explainations. The first links to a study of memory wherein exists a theory that one of the tools the brain uses for recognizing a memory is speed. If a brain can very quickly encompass a scene or combination of stimuli it usually means it has done so before. So in odd cases where through some freak occurance, a person recieves a visual signal unusually quickly, the brain may unconsciously take it as something familiar.

The other theory I came across (much more poorly explained, I might add) was a concept linking deja vu to the improper firing of synapses in the brain. Two things the page mentioned were that scientists have found you can bring about deja vu by electronically stimulating different parts of the brain, and that many patients with temporal lobe epilepsy experience deja vu just before going into seizures.

The second one struck me because epilepsy is sorta in my family. I was wondering if that third of the population who experience deja vu have the potential to become full-blown epileptics. It was pretty interesting in any case, if a bit disappointing. I thought maybe we were all becoming psychics. :)

Too bad.

Who I am in 42 questions or less.

Hey. I was reading Terry's blog and he had a link there for this silly quiz. 42 questions and it tells you what your university major should be. So I did it. Here's the results:

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence. Philosophy 100% Chemistry 92% Engineering 83% Biology 83% Mathematics 75% English 75% Journalism 75% Sociology 75% Theater 67% Linguistics 58% Art 58% Anthropology 42% Psychology 33% Dance 25% Take Dat Test created with QuizFarm.com

I'll admit I was skeptical. But that's not bad. I found it interesting that the number 1 position was taken by philosophy, and is then followed by 4 sciency-mathy deals. I think all scientific minds are just philosophers at heart. It's the same thing really; just a search for answers. Ed Greenwood once wrote "Know something of everything and everything of something." Life's too short to devote your time to one cause. But thats enough sagely advice, it's rounding 3 am and my brain already shut down a few minutes ago. My body is off to persue. Night.

Oh PS, I watched "Igby Goes Down" again tonight. The second time you watch it you learn a lot more. Thats a great film. Pick it up.

A Time for Enlightenment

Hey yall. I was in a computer lab earlier today and I was writing a big post about my life and all that, and the window fagged up and I lost the whole bloody thing. One of the things I covered in it was the fact that since my last post I've spent about 7 minutes in front of a word document typing anything other than essays or assignments. So I can't seem to get any writing done. Well I just finished writing my final essay for Computer Science 2760, its 4:38 in the morning and I've decided to post my essay here. If not super well written, its an interesting glimpse at the future of computing and I think that anyone with an interest in science or computers should read it. If you don't fall into that category, you're probably reading the wrong blog. So without further delay, I give you:

Quantum Computing: A Glimpse at Tomorrow

On April 19th 1965 Gordon Moore, a co-founder of Intel stated to an interviewer from Electronics Magazine, what would later be titled - by CalTech professor Carver Mead - Moore’s Law. It was a projection of computing technology into the future based on the trends of technology at that time. The law states that the complexity for minimum component costs increases at a rate of roughly a factor of two per year. The law largely holds true even today as we see the effect of microchips on computing power. If we are to assume that the law will hold true for even the near future, then it seems only a matter of time before transistors can exist on an atomic scale.

The concept of Quantum Computing has existed since the 1920’s, but only recently has mankind begun to experiment with atomic scale matter manipulation and conceptualize using atoms to hold data or make calculations. The original idea is based on principles from quantum physics called Quantum Superposition and Quantum Entanglement.

Superposition in the context of atoms and subatomic particles is a name given to the behaviour of these particles holding two or more eigenstates as representatives of observable characteristics. The combination of two or more eigenstates in one quantity is the basic concept behind the application of superposition to quantum mechanics. The projection for this phenomenon states that when measured, the state will quite randomly collapse into one of the values in the superposition and immediately afterwards assume the original multi-value.

One such atom or subatomic particle could essentially act as a computer bit under the right circumstances. Standard computers of today create thousands of bits a second however once created; they exist as either a 1 or a 0 until they are deleted or lost. In a quantum computer each created quantum bit or qubit is a permanent addition to the processor and exist as both a 1 and a 0 simultaneously (or in a superposition) until the instant they are measured. In that instant, the values collapse into a 1 or 0, and then immediately retain both values simultaneously again.

With bits created, it’s now a matter of transferring data between them. This is where quantum entanglement comes in. The second – and much less understood - phenomenon is the characteristic of atoms if prepared in such a way, to form wave functions that become a combined system. This essentially intertwines the fates of both bits. So if two atoms (or for our purposes, qubits) exist in a superposition, and both qubits are entangled, when some value of one qubit (eg: the energy or polarity) is measured and the qubit’s values collapse into one value, the superposition of the entangled qubit will instantly collapse into the same value. This will occur at precisely the same instant in time regardless of the physical distance between qubits, be them a few inches apart or at opposite ends of the known universe.

As earlier stated the reasons behind the latter principle are widely unknown. Einstein himself had difficulty with the topic, later referring to entanglement as a “spooky relation at a distance.” But despite reasons for this occurrence, scientists have been experimenting with methods of artificially recreating the natural phenomenon for our own purposes for years now. The results are promising and lead to the possibility of developing computing devices with parallel processing capabilities far beyond any devices in development today.

Obviously, personal quantum computers are most likely decades away, however the implications these machines have for society on all levels are both fantastic and exciting, yet quite literally frightening.


Most of today’s technology is based on principles (or for our purposes, limitations) of computers that have been around since the first calculators. Any contemporary computer based on Von Neumann architecture does calculations in a sequential manner so regardless of how fast engineers make them; a problem with enough calculations can easily stump a machine of today. The purest example of this is the idea of factoring an extremely large number. But I will explain this example further in a moment.

The important thing to remember is that universal truths of computing are evaporating. Principles that have existed as a part of all computers for the better part of a century will have no bearing after the implementation of tomorrow’s machines.

For the purposes of this paper, we will examine the effects that this new technology will have on two levels of society. Firstly, we’ll see the ramifications for society as a whole, and afterwards decide on the most likely and most obvious effects the technology will have on the individual, acting as a member of society. After that (if there’s time) we will try to decide on a definite standpoint in either supporting the development of quantum computers, or opposing it.

From the standpoint of our civilization as a whole, the addition of quantum computing to our lives will usher in a period of drastic change. The flow of information along with our ability to understand science will be redefined, much as it was with the invention of the printing press, or the World Wide Web.

With nearly infinite computing power, huge tasks for today’s computers will become child’s play. The monumental amount of information held in the human genome is currently being decoded and mapped. This process by conventional methods could take several decades. The completion of a functioning quantum computation device before this time would mean the procedure could be completed in weeks or even days. In fact the as of now, widely unknown properties of a theoretical quantum computer could potentially hash through vast amounts of calculations such as the human genome project, or the mapping of the stars in our galaxy in a matter of hours, minutes, or even seconds. The monotonous process of cataloguing the celestial bodies of our galaxy could easily, with the proper computing power be an automated process. An orbital satellite could potentially be programmed to take digital snapshots of sections of sky, map the stars to coordinates on each image, triangulate each star’s distance from the sun, classify it based on color, size, local star clusters, etc and finally store the image, and information to a database. After that it would be a simple matter of teaching the machine the universal naming scheme for astronomy.

Code breaking potential is the attribute most directly responsible for the worldwide interest in developing quantum computers. Contemporary data encoding on transferred information such as satellite signals, bank transactions, coordinates to secret government UFO research facilities (and other fun places), all operate based on the limits of today’s computing power. Going back to the factoring example, if a machine were to try and decrypt one of the “unbreakable” codes of today, it would most likely run into an operation such as factoring a number with about 400 digits. Theoretically speaking, it could be done by a standard computer, but it would take billions of years for it to complete the task (hardware doesn't last that long). Being that a qubit can collapse from superposition to a single value in literally no time, its parallel calculation potential lends itself to the idea that these encodings could be hashed through in a matter of hours.

If the ability to hack any ATM, satellite system, or other heavily encrypted network, was suddenly available to the world, there would be quite probably a period of upheaval. The introduction of quantum computers undoubtedly will usher in a new form of encoding that will use a system of truly random numbers instead of a system as primitive as difficult mathematics. This will make for certainly unbreakable encryption. The transition to this encryption will be slow however, without the implementation of some sort of communications technology that allows all forms of digital media to directly interact (Like in AntiTrust starring Ryan Phillipe and Tim Robbins). During this period between phases, any one person with access to a quantum computer could essentially have control over the communications network of the entire planet.

The most potentially race altering change quantum computers could have on society is the ability it would give us - if humans are mentally matured enough - to explore the utopian governing idea of a world senate, or perhaps direct democracy. In today’s society even if we consider ourselves mentally capable of making this system work, there are physical boundaries stopping us from achieving it. The technology to collect and tally the votes of a nation, or a world full of people simply does not exist, and building it today is not economically feasible. However, the ability of qubits to transfer data between themselves at an instant speed, will mean that not only will quantum computers have incredible computing power by themselves, but will be able to act together as a single unit, largely unaffected by the distance between them. Even before personal quantum computers that people will be able to use for voting purposes at any point in time, anywhere in the world, governments could easily set up cheap computing devices everywhere in much the same way voting booths are set up today. This setup would pave the way for a possible system of government in which no one person or group of persons is elected to make decisions for the whole of society. A system could exist in which the whole of society could make individual decisions concerning its own governance in the form of votes from every member of the whole. A society could exist in which any one member is equally active in the law making, development, goals, and maintenance as any other. It could easily be argued that humans are not mentally ready for this system nor will they be ready in the near future yet the simple fact remains that even if this is true, the physical restriction that is hindering us could no longer exist, leaving the option open for tomorrow’s brighter children.

Another exciting possibility of quantum computing is the ability it would give us to manufacture microscopic machines and control a multitude of them at once. “Nanobots” are a big issue among doctors, engineers, and computer scientists even today. And to an extent humans have succeeded in developing primitive and too-large prototypes of tomorrow’s nanoms. Though transistors and processing chips are minuscule in size by today’s standards, they are still too big to allow the production of truly infinitesimal computers. Apart from that, all implications for nanobots are based on their ability to act as one in completing goals. Controlling so many machines, giving each a unique order, and then processing the output, would be a taxing procedure for an IBM PC. The future could unlock the ability to inject human tissue with machines to kill viruses and harmful bacteria, speed blood clotting in open wounds, lay dormant in blood streams ready to administer electric shock in the event of heart failure, or even enhance the ability of blood cells, muscle tissue, brain activity, or any sensory perception.

Apart from playing a part in the course humanity takes, the individual member of our hypothetical society would undergo a somewhat slow exposure to quantum computers. Like any technology that potentially threatens the defence of a nation, the government would control quantum computers for the early years of their development. The public of course would have access to the medical treatment quantum computers would unlock, such as the advancements in gene manipulation, or access to nanobots already discussed. However average people would not have unlimited access to quantum computers until either the government could set what it deemed as the safe borders of use for the technology, or society as a whole took it upon itself to govern the technology and use it for it’s own intentions (again, it can be argued that human beings are nowhere near mentally capable of acting as a whole yet).

As I said earlier, the spooky relation between atoms, (or for our purposes, the qubits of a quantum computing device) exists despite the proximity of the atoms to each other. Because of this, the individual will begin to notice the advances to technology in much the same way humans today are seeing the advances to worldwide communications, but at a far greater rate and on a much grander scale. The internet, if it exists under the same name by then, will not be composed of the millions of electricity reorganizers it is now, but as a series of infinite atoms speaking to each other across great distances, and all data is transferred in blinks of time incomparable to today’s transfer rates. From that point, the obvious choice for betterment is the centralizing of all media types into one universal signal that would send sound, video streams, and terabytes of any other data to terminals located literally anywhere.

With genome and brain mapping now nearly if not fully complete, and the potential to take the concept of neural nets (that even today are quickly becoming superior to the human mind) and develop thinking nets the size of large molecules, the possibility of not only nano-augmentation of body tissue, but of synthetic brain implants can become a reality. When individual nodes of a neural net can exist at such sizes, it would be quite feasible to attach nets to parts of the brain where memories are stored, motor functions controlled, and cognitive thinking controlled. This implementation (albeit even further into the future than quantum computers themselves) leads to the idea of artificially raising the potential of all human minds to the genius level or beyond. Of course, this brings us into the realm of philosophy, in which we have to examine exactly what it is that makes us human. Much like body piercing, or tattoos today, members of society will go overboard with the manipulations they make to their own bodies as new procedures and manipulations become available to the public over time. The question we will need to begin asking ourselves is when a person becomes more machine than flesh, can he or she still be considered a human?

Without a doubt there are many aspects of the coming technology that seem malicious. There are questionable uses for an abundance of computing power like humans have never before imagined, but I think the relevant question is “How is that different than any other powerful technology?” Even as I sit writing this essay there are thousands of people dying from any number of diseases. There are people like George W. Bush in charge of powerful nations in the world, making war mongering decisions that will negatively effect us all in a big way. And worst of all, there are bottle necks all over the internet hindering the flow of downloaded media to my hard drive. I think that with any big change in society there is risk, and the decision must be based on whether the good outweighs the bad. I believe in this case it does. In an extreme case, the economic collapse of countries around the world would be worth the trade off of a cure for cancer, or diabetes. Money can be remade, reprinted. A human life is unique. I think the only logical conclusion to make is that, the reasons for or against trying to develop quantum computers are irrelevant.

When Einstein at last verified that it was within his power to create the atomic bomb, his first question to himself was “Should I?” To be realistic, humans of today no longer view science and technology with that same fearful respect. To be realistic, it was never a question of should we strive towards the creation of quantum computers, but simply a matter of when we would figure them out. Just as Einstein decided to make the A-Bomb before Japan, or Russia, or Germany could build one, humans will strive towards quantum computers if for no other reason than to do it before humans from an enemy country or rogue state can do it. Tomorrow’s events will in the end most likely come down to who develops the technology initially. People in general can prepare themselves and change their ways for the upcoming wonders, or dumbly play it out and change because of technology’s effects on us. In either case, it is simply a matter of time before we find out whether computing power will be the guiding force, prematurely saving humanity from its own mistakes, or simply another implement we can use for our own destruction.

* * *

Well there it is. I can't wait to see my prof's written reaction to the AntiTrust movie reference. In either case, I hope you enjoyed that. It is now 5:07 however and my head hurts. Good night comrades. On the morrow....

Nick

More updates on ... well ... me.

Well here I am in St. John's for another term and all that. Been here a while but I haven't updated because it took Aliant forever to get my fuggin internet to work. I am, however now back in business, back in school and back to wondering why the hell I'm doing so. I'm actually sitting in my Computer Science 2710 (3 hour) lab on this fine, wednesday afternoon. I have the sections of the lab done that myself and my counterpart Smokey could mull through, but I gave up on the rest, resolving myself to peruse the topics revolving around arrays and string tokenizers the next time I see a JAVA FOR DUMMIES book.

Other than that and keeping in mind the fact that I hate the higher educations, things are going well. I'm doing an essay about Quantum Computation for my CS2760 (Encountering the Computer: Society and the Individual) course, which I'm doing fairly well with. Any of those among you who've had the ultimate pleasure of having a few beers or rockin da gange with me assuredly heard me rant on about quantum entanglement and the effect that using matter to do calculations for us will have on society. So sufficed to say I'm sorta in my element there.

Oooh, also, It's Pearl Jam concert weekend. The weekend I've been looking forward to since mid-summer. My gorgeous girlfriend and her sister Aleah (Who's being a bigger slack-ass than me in updating her blog.) are flying to town tomorrow to see it with me. PUMPED I am. My brother was also suppose to be coming to town to see it as well but he pussed out. (Yeah, you Terry.) Still no word on brother #2. But in either case it should be interesting.

Also, I'm back to working on Birth of a Defect, but as I said last time it's slow goin's. It's gotta be purrrfect. I will tell you that it's progressing rather nicely and I'm well over half-done my first draft. (I don't normally "do" drafts, which makes for low quality work, I know, so like I said, this ones gunna ROCK.)

Hrmm. I think that's about it right now. I doubt I'll get anything done over the weekend as there's gunna be many more important things to do. Well, more like 3 more important things, but they're very important and time consuming. So I'll touch home again with all ya fags again next week some time. Stay outta trouble, and if you're actually reading this, how the hell did you know to check back? I barely ever update this, and as of late my updates haven't been anything other than ramblings. Keep up the ESP.

Nick

A few things to address ...

1) The new look. Hell, everyone else was doing it. I figured the place needed a face lift anyway. Who knows, it might actually get me in Blog mode again and cause me to write a few things ...

2) Speaking of which, I havn't completed The Birth of a Defect yet. If memory serves me correctly, that's the only outstanding project I currently have. You have my genuine apology for not having it completed, but Tacer's story is an important one for things to come and I have to tell it write (get it?). Also, I was suddenly inspired a while back to start in on another story that I'm currently working on. So the little time I've been putting into writing has been focused on that one. At the moment though I'm inflicted by a number of distrations. And that brings me to ...

3) I play way too many video games. I mean, I love the fucking things and I think it should be mandatory by law to devote some time from every day to electronic entertainment in one form or another. But I've been home for many a month now and (mainly) because of video games and beer I havn't really accomplished anything of note. (I cut myself really good a few days ago though, if that counts). So I've decided to cut back on them a bit. My current video game intake comes 100% from WoW and I'm sure that if you're able minded enough to find this blog then you've heard of that by now.

During the time after christmas when I was unemployed and sitting in this town, for about 5 months there was an ungodly amount of the game in my life. However, nowadays I've got it down to a few hours a day for the most part, and I think I'm better off for it.

I heard about this law in China, that they just introduced that only allows chinese citizens to play for 3-4 hour periods. After that they have to log off the game for at least 5 hours. See, getting gold in WoW is a pain in the ass. In fact, it can be such a pain in the ass that nerdy, well-to-do assholes in the U.S. will sometimes just buy the virtual game-world money from people in the real world, with real world currency, to cut down on the slow, laborious task of "farming" gold. Don't believe me? Try it. Go to Ebay.com and run a search for "Warcraft" and you'll get a bunch of returns for warcraft money at the going rate of about ten american cents per in-game gold point.

Now if you were a young, poor chinese lad or lass, wouldn't YOU want to take advantage of this entrepreneurial opportunity? There is an unsatisfied market for sucking american money from america, if you've got the correct mentality to sit and mine thorium ore and kill slimes and rock elementals for countless hours. So I guess, thinking about it from the perspective of one of these people (Who seem to have infinite patience), it's a good idea. At least, that's what I thought until I realized that THEY MADE A FUCKING LAW TO STOP CHINESE PEOPLE FROM PLAYING A VIDEO GAME SO MUCH. You know it's time to go for a walk or wash the damn car when the government says "Ya know, you've been spending an awful lot of time in front of that box, I think it's time I turned it off."

But, cheers to the short little bastards. They're my new guard rails, keeping me from tumbling back down the shaft of addiction. I just have to picture a 28 year old virgin with huge teeth, covered in computer sweat and stinking like 5 day old body odor, left clicking over and over, and I suddenly want to go for a jog. Hell, I even got a full post up here. What are the odds eh?

Step 2: Finish the damn story. Terry, I saw your well timed little comment there, I'm working on it. Oh, and on that note, posting pictures of your deck doesn't count as an update. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Right now however, It's 3:24 am and my eyes hurt.

I'll write. I promise.

Nick

Jon Stewart is the Greatest Man Alive!

Hello everyone. 'Tis I again. I know I havn't posted anything since ... wow ... since February and on that note I do promise that I'm going to get back into the blogging business heavily, but right now I just wanted to share this little piece of literature with you. I didn't write it, actually I was taking a crap while reading this in Jon Stewart's latest book: America (The Book). This is the opening caption to Chapter 7: The Media: Democracy's Guardian Angel.

A free and independent press is essential to the health of a functioning democracy. It serves to inform the voting public on matters relevant to its well-being. Why they've stopped doing that is a mystery. I mean, 300 camera crews outside a courthouse to see what Kobe Bryant is wearing when the judge sets his hearing date, while false information used to send our country to war goes unchecked? What the fuck happened? These spineless cowards in the press have finally gone to far. They have violated a trust. "Was the president successful in convincing the country?" Who gives a shit? Why not tell us if what he said was true? And the excuses. My God, the excuses! "Hey, we just give the people what they want." "What can we do, this administration is secretive." "But the last season of Friends really is news." The unmitigated gall of these weak-willed ... You're supposed to be helping us, you indecent piles of shit! I ... fuck it. Just fuck it ...

Like I said, the man's a genious. Read this book because not only is it hilarious, it'll teach you a few things you should know.

Nick

Stanley Drive

Another silver, summer’s moon had been shedding its hollow light on the world for hours now. It was well past midnight. A warm southern breeze tickled itself through lawn chairs and small maple trees of no natural placement as tacky lawn gnomes stared with empty, frozen eyes from flower gardens that ran the length of most of the houses on the street.

Stanley Drive was a typical street while the sun shone; a street full of children and the scraping sound of bicycle training wheels, but with the setting of the sun, so too did this sugar coating fail to reveal the life that is everywhere that all men see, but few explore; The life that’s left when the smell of freshly cut grass subsides and the burgundy minivan in every driveway, masked by shadow. It is then the silence surfaces.

Dale Gryan sat bare-chested on his porch exploring this life nervously. Hidden from view by the inky shadow of his roof’s overhang, he was revealed only by the occasional, cherry red glow from his cigarette.

Seconds went to minutes, which lead to hours, as Gryan sat and braved the silence that surrounded him. His eyes lazed about his face but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He had far too much to think about. Far too many unwanted thoughts eating at his self. These petty thoughts he hated, but despite himself, entertained every waking hour of his life. Those hours grew longer as time passed and the petty thoughts were his companion. But at least, he thought, at least they were taking his mind off the silence around him.

He crushed the butt of his fifth cigarette and sighed to break the quiet. He listened to the beat of his heart and closed his eyes, drifting through his mind for answers. Any answer at all.

His heartbeat filled his ears and bathed his mind in sound. He enjoyed the break in the silence. Utter silence, he thought was much louder and more piercing than any noise he could conceive. More terrifying. The beating of his heart, that light in his dark tunnel was all there was to break this. But something was wrong. He couldn’t tell what, but something was definitely wrong.

He shifted his thoughts to discover what that something was. He clenched his eyes tighter to ensure total blackness, focusing hard on his heart, and the noise it made. “What is it? What is it?” Thought after Thought.

It could have been a gunshot. It would have affected him no less. He heard a break in his heartbeat and the silence that stabbed at it; a break and a dull scraping noise.

Instinct screamed at him to open his eyes and a surge of emotion took hold of his brain - Confusion, bewilderment, panic - and he could do nothing but obey.

His eyes sprang open as if awakening from his worst nightmare, and with a ripple of gooseflesh over his warm bare chest in the summer’s air he found realization. It wasn’t the beating of his heart he’d been listening too. It was footsteps, and he wasn’t alone.

Frozen but for his wide eyes, red from exhaustion, he sat rigid and frantically searched his field of view for this intrusion. He waited an eternity for his eyes to focus from being held shut for so long and would have screamed at them to hurry had his mouth not gone dryer than his scorched, neglected front lawn.

Shadow after shadow he analyzed for movement. It was a dull clicking he now realized; the sound of expensive shoes on asphalt and it was getting closer. Thanking grace that he had thought to extinguish the glow of his cigarette, the only signal this masked intrusion had to his existence, perched on his raised porch, hidden from the silver light of the moon, he turned his head quickly, searching the street to his left and right. After a few agonizing seconds a figure appeared from around the curve of the street several houses up, walking slowly, nearly a careless stroll.

“Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong.” Gryan mouthed silently, his near frantic gaze transfixed on the intruder. The man drew closer, and passed under a street light some twenty yards away. He was dressed completely in black, wearing a large overcoat that hung just past his knees. “Something’s wrong.” Gryan whispered so quietly. It was too warm for a coat, even this late at night. Gryan’s wide eyes saw the intruder pull something from one of the pockets of his over coat. He pulled it on over his head. It was a ski mask. “Devil … Devil.” he whispered.

The intruder casually strolled by, not 15 feet away and continued up the inclined driveway of the house just across the street. A rented moving trailer was still parked in the driveway. Gryan had noticed the family retrieving boxes and furniture from it for the better part of the day. He had watched them work together to lift the large pieces of their livelihood from the trailer, struggling until they disappeared into the front door of the house. That same door the intruder now stopped in front of.

The man hauled something else from a pocket – Gryan could not make it out this time – and hunched over slightly, working at the door in front of him. Eventually it slid silently open just enough for the man to squeeze inside and pull it nearly closed behind him.

“You’re the devil. Devil.” Gryan whispered as he began to shake quietly in the summer breeze. His mind screamed at him to do something; to warn someone; call someone; Anything his mind screamed. He sat and watched, holding his breath. A minute passed. Two minutes. And he saw a flash in an upstairs window. He thought he heard a muzzled shot. Did he? Another flash…. Yes a shot. He began to violently tremble. His mind froze with his body. He pleaded with his brain to stop showing him this scene. It was fake. It could not be real. The muzzled nose echoed in his ears. He begged for the silence to return.

It could not be real.

Another flash, in another window. He shuddered, thinking about the children in the day light, getting in the way as their parents struggled with heavy chairs and tables. His ragged breath caught in his throat and he began to weep. Another flash, accompanied by the terrible, muffled bang. He jumped, he shook. Another flash. Another. His mind screamed for the silence to surround him. He would never fear it again. It could not be real.

He sat trembling, tears streaking his face, the muffled sound reverberating in his mind as the minutes rolled on. He scarcely noticed the intruder slide out through the front door once more, closing it softly behind him. The sound of expensive shoes on asphalt began once more. And as they began to dim they were accompanied by the distant sound of whistling. A careless, strolling tune.

“The devil.” Gryan whispered, choking back his own tears. He sobbed slowly through the night, listening over and over to the sound of the flash in his ears, pleading to the night for the silence once more. It never came. And some time later, as he sat on his front porch, under his roof’s overhang, holding his knees to his chest crying, the sun slowly began to rise.

He sat, slowly pleading, “Silence…Silence…” until the sun had fully risen, banishing the shadows around him. And when the dew on his scorched, neglected front lawn had finally dried, and the world had come to life once again, he heard the sound of a minivan being started. He heard the wind rustle through the small maple trees around him. He heard the first scrape of a training wheel as it glided across the asphalt before him.

Once more, Gryan softly wept. He stared across Stanley Drive to the door in front of him and wept for those behind it. He hugged his knees harder to his chest and started to plead once more to the world around him.

“Silence…” he begged. “Silence…”